Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Stop it Please

Can you please stop nagging me??
I know you did everything for my own good,but please,this is my holiday and I don't wanna ruin it.
I know what to do,what I need is not your nagging words,I need your support.
Why can't you tell me that you will stay beside me no matter what happens?
Why can't you tell me that you will support me until the end?
Why can't you comfort me whenever I am upset bcuz of my results?
Why can't you tell me nicely but not in the nagging style?
You may tell them to me softly,gently,I do not mind.
I will listen to you carefully,every words.
But you are not,you are telling me the same thing everyday.
'Don't waste your time doing useless things,can't you know that you are having SPM next year? You should start working hard cuz you know that you are not that smart.
You should put more effort to study. This holiday is not only for you to relax,but it is a great time for you to revise and study what you do not understand in your form 4 lessons and you have to make sure that you will know them well cuz next year will be a tough year and the lessons will be even harder and tougher. What did I told you before this holiday starts? I told you not to waste your time doing meaningless things. I don't know whether you did listen to me or not,you will see one day,if you do not follow and listen to my words,and you will regret.'
Exam exam exam...
I am not a smart person,I am slow,not good in calculations.
I admit it.
But please,I think. I am a growing girl now,I can think.
I know what am I doing and I know what is good or bad for me.
I know. But please,I need some space for myself sometimes.
Yes,I am lazy,but at least I will complete my work before tuition classes.
I will study before exam.
I will prepare myself to do my best although sometimes,it does not satisfy me.
I know I am not smart enough,but I do feel scared.
Next year is the SPM year but I am now shaking sitting on this chair.
I am scared of the exam,I mean exams.
So please,please comfort me,and support me.
I am sorry if I show my temper,but sometimes,I do feel annoyed,cuz you are repeating and repeating the same thing everyday.
I get you,mother,but please...
Don't make me scared...cuz I am scared,very very scared...
I am trying to make myself calm everytime SPM popped up into my mind,but too bad,not everytime work.
I am scared enough,but I am stupid though.
I know that I am scared but I did nothing.
Started to blame myself again...I am sorry mum...
My bad. But I need your cooperation too.
Stay by my side and calm my heart whenever I am feeling bad...
But the thing is,I don't know how to share with you,my mother.
I am too depending on my friends.
I am telling myself that 'you have to change,you have to change...'
Not working,my heart is sinking.
I have to help myself,yes.
Someone,please stay beside me and lead me in the future,cuz I need you to lead me in my life,as you are a part of me.
That's all for now,feels better after 'vomiting'. :)
Gotta go,bye.


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